Film haiku

Now that I finally have a home broadband connection, and I no longer have to keep quiet about them, you can have these: 27 haiku that appeared as the "What's on" film listing in the Nottingham Evening Post, one week in October. I put them through without linebreaks, and no one (readers, unwarned editors) appeared to notice anything odd.

ACCEPTED! (12A)
Reject fakes uni,
and then real students turn up.
No reason you should.

THE ARYAN COUPLE (12A)
Hi, Mr Himmler
- no, of course we're not Jewish.
Well, not in public...

BARNYARD (PG)
Think Animal Farm
remade as cheery kids' toon.
Our verdict next week.

BROTHERS OF THE HEAD (18)
Conjoined twin punk stars
rock convincing mock doc, but
where's their character?

CARS (PG)
Pixar motors through
yet another hit cartoon
(yes, that's Paul Newman).

CHILDREN OF MEN (15)
Clive Owen seeks hope
in a grim, childless London.
Stylish Cuaron job.

CLICK (15)
Remote control rules
Adam Sandler's so-called life.
Please, just turn it off.

THE DEPARTED (18)
Cop double-cross finds
Scorsese and Nicholson
true to their talents.

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (PG)
Vile ed Meryl Streep
tempts that nice Anne Hathaway.
Sharp as Savile Row.

ECHO PARK LA (15)
Coming-of-age job
in Spanish-language US:
trailers, but no trash.

EVERYONE STARES: THE POLICE INSIDE OUT (15)
Sting's lot get own film.
And it's shot by their drummer.
So "inside" is right.

THE GUARDIAN (12A)
Not the newspaper:
this is coastguard derring-do.
Our verdict next week.

HOODWINKED (U)
Red Riding Hoodlum
tangles with storybook police force.
But it ain't Shrek.

LADY IN THE WATER (PG)
Mermaid seeks writer,
while M Night Shyamalan
seeks a plot, in vain.

LITTLE MAN (12A)
Marlon Wayans poses
as toddler to steal giant gem.
Childish? You don't say...

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (15)
Strong cast do wonders
in ensemble road movie.
A beauty, for sure.

ONE LOVE (12A)
Jamaican take
on Romeo and Juliet:
reggae v gospel.

THE QUEEN (12A)
Yay Helen Mirren:
she's truly regal in this
Diana death tale.

STORMBREAKER (PG)
Junior Bond flops
- but he may grow up better,
if we still let him.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (18)
Prequel to remake.
As Hollywood eats itself,
it wants cannibals.

TIDELAND (15) A lost child's strange world
- count on Terry Gilliam
to make it stranger.

TOP GUN (12A)
Shiny young Tom Cruise
flies off to superstardom.
You had to be there.

TALLADEGA NIGHTS (12A)
Top-class Will Ferrell
stars in racetrack comedy.
Ali G steals it.

AN UNFINISHED LIFE (12A)
J-Lo as lone mum.
Well, at least the story's drab.
Sadly unconvincing.

VAUGHAN WILLIAMS ON FILM
England's composer
in two rare archival gems
- both old TV shows.

WORLD TRADE CENTER (12A)
9/11 courage
- and no shortage of bombast -
from Oliver Stone.